Since you said, you’d probably forget. This is the song I was talking about. The one I knew all the words too.


Me after one workout

5 of The Meanest Things Said To Me/5 of The Nicest Things Said To Me [My Book Chapter 9]

5 of The Meanest Things Said To Me/5 of The Nicest Things Said To Me

Along with each of the things said to me. I’ll leave you guys a little thought commentary. I’ll start off with the Meanest Things ever said to me. I’ll also say that 3 of the 5 were said by one person, and today, surprisingly I am still his friend. They are not in any particular order, its just how I remembered them.

  1. “You’re like a fishing rod. You reel them (girls) in, and I steal them away from you. You’re a useful friend.”

Okay. I’m going to take a deep breath real quick. And, then sigh. The words “useful” and “friend” should never be put together in a sentence, ever. In this mean thing said to me, I was compared to a fishing rod, with bait on its line, to “reel” in the girls, for the using fisherman. What a great thing to hear from somebody. Sarcasm.

He latter goes on to tell me that I’m “bad bait.” What a swell fellow.

2. “The only way you can get girls to like you is by making them feel sorry for you.”

Sigh. The more I thought about this one, the more I thought it to be true. This one hit a little harder than most because, you know, I’ll admit it, I feel like there’s a lot about me to feel sorry for. Most of the time, I open up to people with sad things that’s happened to me. Some of those people just so happen to be girls. And when I thought about it, I actually ended up liking these girls who I opened up to. Can’t say that for all of them, but its happened more often than not. And eventually I learned, actually I’m still learning, that you can’t make anybody do anything. If that person wants to be your friend, then they will. If they want to like you, they will. I’m just going to keep on being me, and maybe one day, I’ll find someone who we can feel sorry for each other in our own little awkward ways and end up happy. But still though, that was a pretty fucked up thing to say to someone.

3. “I fucked the girl you like.”

Wow. At the time, I was pissed. I was rustled. No man deserves to hear that. But you know what, I’m not even mad anymore. In the end, she did what she wanted to do and he did what he wanted to do. Who am I to stop them? (Turns head, cries.)

4. “You’re way too big for me. We’d never work.”

This is actually a little tame compared to the others, but it had a strong impact on me. Now at first, as a guy, hearing “You’re way too big for me,” may actually be a good thing. That is, if we’re talking about dicks. But here, she was not. She was talking about my body size, my frame, my weight. I used to be a chubby guy. Full of chub, and full of love. Maybe a little too much love though. I got hurt from those words. Especially when she followed that sentence with, “We’d never work.” Now, I could call her shallow, or heartless, or any other mean things I could think of but, I think shallow is enough. I’m joking but seriously, this thing was actually one of the main reasons why I decided to lose weight. And when I did, I never looked back at her. Why? Not because she just so happened to find some of the weight I lost, but because of her personality. A little advice, you can say a bunch of nice things and get ignored. You say one bad thing, and I’m sure it’ll be remembered for a long time. Be nice people, come on. Treat others the way you want to be treated. And if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all. It basic shit people. We learned this shit back in elementary school. Come on now.

5. “Give up.”

Some of you might get a little upset with me about this one, but this is real. The mean thing “Give up” that was said to me, was actually said by me. Now let me explain. I over think things, I get caught up in thoughts that shouldn’t be, and I come up with solutions that I think will help. A while back, I had a hard time understanding anything. Not actually understanding anything, like I know math and some basic science shit, but I meant things like, “What’s the point?” and “Why am I not happy, when everybody around me is?” Things like that. I’ve tried doing things, that at the time could have solved the problem. Some really stupid but all really dangerous. I’ve told myself so many, now stupid things, that I probably shouldn’t have been left alone to think for myself. I put up a good front though. I had friends, I made them laugh, and I even got good grades. I had all the things that would make a normal person happy, but for some reason, I just didn’t feel happy. I can act happy for days on end without people noticing that I had a problem, and I did, for the longest time. And after so many attempts of stupid, I realized that if I give up. I’m not only hurting myself. I’m going to hurt so many other people around me. And now, I can’t even imagine what it’d be like without them. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I feel weak, and I think about caving in. But then I remember that I have friends, and family that’ll be way too fucking sad if I weren’t around to make them smile and laugh and shit. Those people need me, and I should stop being so damn selfish. I won’t give up, me. I fucking won’t.

Now for the 5 Nicest Things Ever Said to Me. These people are so freaking nice, you don’t even know! Like if being a lizard was being nice, then these people are like DINOSAURS! That was kind of dumb, but I hope you got the point of it. Here we go.

  1. “You’d be a great Dad.”

Okay, this right here. I know what you’re thinking. Sean, how would they even know you would be a great Dad. Well guess what. I’ve actually heard this from a couple of older ladies who actually have kids. They love me. One even said that she’d love to clone me and have me around all the time. That’s not at all creepy. Its sweet. And even if I never have kids, I would still like to think that I’d be a good Dad. I can’t be a bad Dad. I don’t want to let anybody down, especially my kid. My kids cooler than your kid. Wanna fight about it? Too bad, I know my kid is cooler than your kid. You can think what you want, but I know whats up. And whats up is the cool rating on my kid, step off.

2. “You should have your own TV show!”

I’ve heard this one a lot. And still, every time I hear it, I get all gitty. I love movies, TV shows, documentaries, etc. I’ve made some videos online, and they were liked by some. Even though, I thought most of my work was pretty crap, they liked it. And I enjoy that feeling. To have somebody enjoy something that I created. And if I were ever to create a TV show, I just hope it’d be a show worth talking about. As my friends all know, I’m coming up with stories all the time, just in hopes that one day, if I ever get my TV show, that I will have plenty of ideas to work with. If I do, I’d dedicate it to you guys. You guys are awesome. High Five!

3 “None of that stuff really matters, you’re you, and that’s what I like about you.”

As I said before, I used to be a chubby bunny. And I’ll be honest, my main motivation to lose all that weight was for a girl. I lost about 80lbs. I did a lot, and when one day, after all of my weight lost, this girl and I hung out. She told me that I looked great. Smiles were present. I felt so comfortable with her that I actually confessed that I lost the weight for her. And that’s when she just looked at me, and said, “None of that stuff really matters, you’re you, and that’s what I like about you.” Now… I- I’m sorry but that left me speechless. I put so much work into this, I went through so much, and it just meant a lot to me, to hear her say that. I’ll admit it right now, my eyes are a little watery. I’ll tell you later how much I went through, and maybe you’ll truly understand how much this meant to me. But that was probably the only thing that has almost made me cry in front of someone, just out of sheer kindness.

4. “You may not be able to talk right, but you sure do have a way with words.”

Oh my God. This girl, I swear. I bet she doesn’t even remember saying this. Whenever I think about this, I always smile. Let me explain it though. Most of my friends know that from time to time (most of the time actually), I tent to mumble. My words end up slurring together and anything I say gets mistaken for things that I couldn’t even think of saying. She said this to me, because she needed to be cheered up one day. She wanted to talk on the phone, but I told her I didn’t like talking on the phone as much because I mumble too much. She understood because she knows how bad it is, so we texted each other. Within a matter of minutes, I cheered her up, and then I get the “You may not be able to talk right, but you sure do have a way with words.” I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt. She took one of my biggest social problems and used it to compliment me. I love that compliment. I can’t even. I’m smiling just thinking about it. Oh man. My cheeks hurt again. Ahhhhh.

5. “You never give yourself enough credit. You are amazing! Don’t ever change for anyone. Keep your spirits up and believe in yourself.”

Yes, this was written in my yearbook. And yes, it means a lot to me. And yes, I’ll tell you why. When I read what this girl wrote in my yearbook, I smiled. I smiled hard. I don’t know for sure if she wrote totally generic stuff just for the sake of it, or she actually meant what she wrote but I took it to heart. At the time, yes, I never gave myself enough credit. And I only realized it when I read it. She also called me “amazing!” At the time, I never really got called “amazing” before. “Don’t change for anyone.” Ha, later on she helped me realize that there’s nothing wrong with me. And if its not broken, don’t fix it right? “Keep your spirits up and believe in yourself.” Wow. Maybe this was just perfect timing but at the time, I was finally getting out of that “just give up” phase, and reading this…. man. It probably meant more to me than it should have, and probably to anybody else can ever imagine, but it did. And it’s nice. Its really nice.

11 Things My Dad Has Said While Playing Call of Duty [My Book Chapter 8]

11 Things My Dad Has Said While Playing Call of Duty

  1. “Fuck you, you pussy ass(dies in the game)-FUUUUUCCKK.”

  2. “Why are you hiding?!”

  3. “If you’re going to lay there, fucking shoot at something!”

  4. “Shoot! AT SOMETHING!”

  5. “He’s in the garage.”

  6. “Guys, he’s in the garage.”


  8. “SON OF A-FUC- (dies) Oh fuck you.”

  9. “FUCKING CAMPERS! (This is extra funny because his gamertag used to be SN3AK3R K4MP3R)”


  11. “Oh no you (getting shot at) DOOOOOOOONNNNNN’T!!!!!

“Did he really just trade that baby for a bike?!” [My Book Chapter 7]

Did he really just trade that baby for a bike?!”

Wow. That title. But seriously, that crazy shit happened.

I don’t know about you, but I love going to the movies. And one night after going to the movies with my friend, we chilled around in the parking lot just talking about the movie we just watched. I’ll be honest, the movie theater parking lot could also be called “Sketchy Central” and everybody would know what were talking about. There is some things that happen in the parking lot that kinda sketch people out. And based off of this chapters title, my friend and I, witnessed a baby get traded, for a bike. Yes. A freaking bike. A two-wheeled bicycle.

Let me give you the play by play. My friend and I were talking shit in the parking lot. Then our sketchy senses kick in all of a sudden as we see this guy pushing a stroller around. It doesn’t sound that weird at first, but let me inform you that its like 11 o’clock at night. Nobody should be pushing around strollers that late at night. Ever. Especially in Sketch Central. As I tell my friend to avoid eye contact with the Sketchy Male Stroller Pusher, I could not keep my eyes off of him. I had to keep an eye out. Just in case, you know? And as my eyes follow this sketchy character, I see him meet up with another suspicious male character. This new guy had a bike. His preferred mode of transportation, I see. I can’t blame him, riding a bike is fun. But this is where things get a little weird. 

Sketchy Bike Man hands his bike to Sketchy Male Stroller Pusher, and Sketchy Male Stroller Pusher HANDS Sketchy Bike Man THE CONTENTS OF THE STROLLER! WHAAAAAA?! Did I just witnessed human trafficking? Or some kind of weird drug deal? The second one’s probably not true, but nonetheless, SOMETHING WAS TRADED FOR A BIKE. Most likely it was a baby. In my head, I can’t even imagine, wanting a bike so bad that I would give up my baby. That’s some fucked up shit. I would’ve called the police, but just trying to explain this story to the police would just sound insane. And after I witnessed all of this, I quickly told my friend what I just saw, and demanded that leave the area as fast as possible. Why? Because we’re fucking smart. That’s too sketchy for me. Nope nope nope. Fuuuuck that. I mean, hopefully the kid found a better home. But I bet any home is better than living in one where you can be traded for a freaking bicycle.

It so crazy to believe that I saw a baby get traded for a freaking bicycle though. That’s way too freaking much for me right now.

Asking Girls Questions [My Book Chapter 6 (My Favorite)]

Asking Girls Questions

A little while back, I thought it’d be interesting to ask girls questions about other girls. As a guy, I figured that if I wanted to learn more about girls, I should ask them about them. Here’s a couple of questions that I asked them.

“How do I talk to girls?”

Now that’s, in my opinion, a pretty good question. I mean, as humans, we were giving the opportunity to communicate with one another in a somewhat complex way. Who wouldn’t want to become better at it? I wanted to become better at it. Some of the answers might throw you off a little though.

“How do I talk to girls?”

“Are you serious? Shut up, haha.”

“How do I talk to girls?”

“Like… a normal…. person….?”

I also decided to ask some girls,  “How do I get a girls number?” Some of the answers, honestly, took me by surprise.

“How do I get a girls number?”

“You ask for it.”

“How do I get a girls number?”

“You just gotta grab her by the hair and ask her. We like that kinda shit.”

“How do I get a girls number?”

“You just ask for it.”

“Okay how about this? I ask her what kind of phone she has, and tell her that ‘Oh, that phone can be upgraded easily.’ Ask her for her phone and just put my number in it. Huh?”

“Don’t ever do that.”



And to be honest, this is probably the most important question of them all. “How do I get a girl to like me?” We’ve all been there in some way. And if you haven’t, you will. We all go through it at some point. And so I asked them, and here are their answers.

“How do I get a girl to like me?”

“Compliment her, duh.”

“How do I get a girl to like me?”


“What? Haha.”

“You bring her food, and she will love you.”

“What kind of food should I bring?”

“I don’t know, whatever she likes. But food always works for me.”

“How do I get a girl to like me?”

“With money.”


(Second lady)”Yeah, with money. Lots and lots of money.”

“Erase check.”

“How do I get a girl to like me?”

“Just be yourself.”

“How cliché.”

“Yeah, but you better be careful. There are some crazies out there. And they’ll cut you.”

Now, based off of all of this information, I’ve learned that girls like food, to be complimented, and to be treated like everybody else. That all makes sense to me, but sometimes, we all need some kind of help. Some of us needs to experience it first hand, and some others, like me, knew it all along, but just needed someone else to tell you.

But I think it’s harder to talk to girls than you all might think. HA! Just talk to them like a normal person, you say? Well that obviously couldn’t be it. That’s too easy. Nothing worth having comes easy. They’re telling me to bring them food and compliment them, but my guy friends are telling me to,

“Just stick it in her butt.”

“She’ll love you if you do that.”

“Stick with the phone upgrade plan. It works every time. Have you tried the pick up lines, I gave you?”

I don’t know who to believe. The girls, or the guys. Both very different views on getting girls to like you enough to get their time, their number and/or their heart. See I don’t know what sarcasm is, but I believe I’m experiencing some of it from both sides. Some more than others.

My First Double Date (And Why I Hate Them Now) [My Book Chapter 5]

My First Double Date (And Why I Hate Them Now)

Double dates. What a waste of time. Double dates are used to get two groups of people together to have a fun together. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Its a good chance for people to bond together. That and it also gives your relationship a label, like “Oh Jess and Brent, the couple.” It can also help you decide if you want to be a swinger. I don’t have the exact facts on that, but trust me. I used to think double dates were kinda cool. I thought it was a good way to meet people and stuff. But this is why I now hate them.

One day, my best friend asked me if I wanted in on a little double date action. Me being the lonely depressive chubby kid I was, I gracefully accepted. He told me that the date was going to be a movie date. Okay, can’t really talk to anybody during a movie, but I guess it gives you stuff to talk about afterwards. I guess I can work with this. He tells me that the girl he’s talking to is going to bring her friend. Okay, maybe this can go somewhere. He also told me that his girl, talked me up telling her that I was “cute.” Awe, don’t do that. But she did. Oh well, I eventually learn her name and had to do a little Facebook creeping of the sort. I had to see what I was in store for. I won’t lie, she wasn’t the prettiest girls of the bunch, but she sure wasn’t the ugliest either. I know that may sound kinda rude but its the appearance that make people notice/pursue you, its personality that decides if you want to stay. Believing in what I did about double dates then, I still wasn’t going to back out of going to this double date. Maybe this girl had an amazing personality, and I was about to experience it. I was actually excited for this double date. My friend tells me that his girl is going to pick him and her friend up. I just say “Okay, I’ll see you there.”

This is where things get a little fucked up. This was before I could drive, so I couldn’t drive to the movies. My parents were at work so, I had to get myself there some how. I wasn’t going to ask the girl to give me a ride because I didn’t want to come off as that guy. I don’t know what kind of guy that is, but thats how I felt. I didn’t live too far away from the movie theater anyways, so I decided to walk to it. It was a 20-25 min walk. I gave myself plenty of time to get there, so I left my house about a half an hour before hand. I get to the movie theater with time to spare. I actually got there before they did. Still somewhat excited for the double date, I stood outside of the theater awaiting their arrival. About 30 minutes later, after waiting outside of the theater, they decide to show up late. The movie has already started. As a man who loves movies, if I’m going to go to the movie theater, if I’m going to pay to see a movie, I want to see the trailers and actually the whole fucking movie. As you can probably tell, I was a little peeved. Not only did I walk to the movie theaters, I also made it on time. They had a car, and did not. I kept this all to myself, because I thought that maybe I’m over reacting a little. I should relax a bit. I am on a double date. I was excited for this.

After I’m expected to pay for the second girls ticket, we all make it into the theater. The movie already started so finding a seat is a game of “Holy shit, its dark in here. Hahahaha” Why is that funny? Don’t fucking talk to me. Not really caring where I sit, I was focused on watching the movie, while standing at that. The girls choose a row with only three seats empty. I know this because I hear my friend, “Where is Sean supposed to sit?” Already upset, I say, “Really? Fuck this.” and I make my way up to the front row, aka the terrible seats, aka the neck breaker seats. After storming off, they decide to follow me to the front. I sit in the very corner, closest to the wall. When they followed, the seating arrangement was, second girl, friends girl, friend, and then me. I liked it that way too. But my friend and his girl, were trying to get me to go over and sit next to her. But I said, “No, I’m fucking pissed. I walked and actually made it here on time, I choose a row with enough seats, and you want me to do something for you guys? Nah, I’m good.” My friend realizing I’m a pissed off man, lets it go. But she insists, and I just shake my head at her for every sentence she throws my way. I clearly was not having it. She finally got the hint, after my friend spoon fed it to her.

But you know what, this isn’t the second girls fault. I kinda feel bad for her, but I’m too pissed off to give her a happy double date experience. So I came up with an idea. In the movie, it was pretty obvious that a character was going to die. And when that character finally died, I forced myself to laugh. Now that’s a pretty dick-ish thing to do, right? I know, but that’s the point. I wanted to make her think that I’m a dick so she doesn’t feel bad about the whole double date. I would’ve sat next to her. This probably would’ve been a pretty good double date, but I know myself, I was upset. It wouldn’t have played out the way I wanted it. My attitude would’ve came out somehow and take it out on her on accident, and I wasn’t about to put her through that. So I attempted to make her realize that I’m a dick on her own, without having her actually experience it first hand. I don’t know if she actually did or not. But I still think its better than taking it on her.

I still give my friend shit for this terrible double date from time to time. He gets a little upset about it, but not as much as I was that day. And it wasn’t this double date only, that ruined them for me. Others were crap too. This one was just the most interesting. But here’s a little example of the others, “Have you ever been stood up on a double date? Where your date didn’t show up, but the others did? Congratulations, you are now the 3rd wheel. Try not to have an awkward double date.”

And here’s another,

Have you ever been the 3rd wheel when there is 4 people present? I have.

Yeah, fuck double dates.